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01:50am 11/06/2008

My life is severely lacking in variety. The summer months and the abundance of old friends helps me find more things to do with myself, but it sort of puts into perspective how amazingly dull the rest of the time is. I cannot get out of this town soon enough. I can't wait to quit my shit job, find interesting new people who share interests with me, distance myself from everything the past year and a half has come to symbolize, which more or less appears to be total and utter failure. Being stuck in your home town is pretty fucking excruciating, but its made 10 times worse when most of the people you knew and loved either moved away, ditched you completely, or lost their fucking mind. Coming back to Westchester, back to Croton, has forced me to start again, but I feel, as do the people around me, that I'm stuck in a serious rut. 

Steps are being made. An escape route has opened itself to me in the form of a college education. I couldn't be more excited, but unfortunately, my past laziness comes back to haunt me and all I can hope is that nothing gets in the way of what I want to achieve. Sometimes I feel like the whole plan is going to fall apart and I'm going to be stuck here forever. Since January of '07, I've been digging myself into a grave. If I fuck up the last chance I have to get out, the dirt is going to rain in and I will be stuck living a miserable pathetic life, the kind of shit they use in anti-drug commercials where they try to say smoking weed will steal your future. I'm starting to think they're right. 

I don't know why I came back to this thing. Its almost theraputic in a way, I've always felt more comfortable writing what I feel than saying it.

I've started writing music again. The Runs broke up, but I have 2 new musical projects in the work: a thrash band called MZA which has only just recently started jamming, regardless of the fact that we're still searching for a drummer and bassist. Also, I've been quietly working on a solo black metal project called Leshonky, for which I have written 5 or 6 songs. Hopefully, something will actually come from some of these efforts, as I now have a mic that works with my laptop and Audacity.

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03:14am 18/10/2007
  When you break up with someone/they break up with you, you're friends are supposed to have your back, right?

So why is it that that happened to me 9 months ago and there are still people who treat me differently?

At first, I figured it was just some awkwardness and it would pass, now I want some answers.
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08:49pm 07/10/2007
  Angel dust.

Gimme some.
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01:58am 02/10/2007
  Sometimes, the anger I feel is so fucking immense that all I can do about it is blog angrily.

Watch "This is England".

01:24pm 30/09/2007
  Last night, Zack fell asleep with his eyes open. He then proceded to make the most horrendous "I'm choking on vomit but not really" noises for about an hour, keeping me awake because I thougt he was gonna puke in his own mouth and choke to death. It didn't happen, and I got to watch a lot of Law and Order Criminal Intent.  
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10:30am 21/09/2007
  I've spent most of this morning trying to convince myself that my body is ok the way it is. Not as successful as I'd hoped, but I guess I'm getting there.

I have things to do and probably shouldn't be sitting around in a towel updating my livejournal.

This walk is kinda dangerous because you have to smoke angel dust to do it.
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01:43am 30/07/2007

Sometimes its important to listen to punk rock from 1977. 

I wish I could re-associate myself with camp life. I miss it terribly.

I'm now wearing a nicotine patch. Its really itchy, but it killed the cravings. I have my extra patches rationed so I can slowly ween myself off nicotine.

12:09pm 26/07/2007


I quit the ice cream gig. Too much uncertainty.

I'm waiting to hear back from Shop-Rite. 

I saw Limp Wrist on friday and the New York Dolls on saturday. Good times all around. 

There's a Runs show this friday in Connecticut.

Its at:

The Outback Teen Center
71 Main St. 
New Canaan, CT

If you can go, you should go. Some of the other bands playing are pretty neat.

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12:23pm 09/07/2007
  Being an ice cream man fucking sucks.  
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Allow me to expand...   
09:32pm 07/05/2007
  So, shit is pretty awesome.

I finally ironed out that whole unemployment thing and now I have a job driving an ice cream truck. Its incredibly boring, but its money and it affords me most of the things I would be doing otherwise. I'm still struggling with the whole "do whatever I want when I want" mentality that I had when I was unemployed, but it seems like this time around, its been pretty easy to kick.

I found out that through all their bitching and threatening letters, I only owed Bank of America like, $200. So tomorrow, I get to pay them off and then I'll have a bank account again. Now, the trick is not overdrawing the fucking thing again. With the bank issue rapidly coming to a close, the phone issue will soon be fixed. Verizon might have to give me a new number, but its still a phone that isn't a piece of shit which is really another priority for me right now. 

Outside of the obvious differences, nothing is different. I still spend most of my time hanging out with Nadine or complaining about how I'd rather be hanging out with Nadine. That isn't saying so much considering she's pretty fucking neat. 

Everyone is coming home soon. I want everybody to not be a jerk and hang out with me in the ice cream truck.
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04:56pm 05/04/2007
mood: bored
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01:50am 03/01/2007
  When the going gets rough I know my friends will still be there.

Thanks guys.
04:31pm 02/01/2007
  Some want to think hope is lost see me stand alone
I can't do what others may want then I'll have no home

So for now wave good-bye and leave your hands held high
Hear this song of courage long into the night
So for now wave good-bye and leave your hands held high
Hear this song of courage long into the night

And the wind will bear my cry to all who hope to fly
Hear this song of courage ride into the night

Battles are fought by those with the courage to believe
They are won by those who find the heart
Find a heart to share
This heart that fills the soul will point the way to victory
If there's a fight then I'll be there, I'll be there

So for now wave good-bye, leave your hands held high
Hear this song of courage long into the night
And the wind will bear my cry to all who hope to fly
Lift your wings up high my friend fearless to the end
So for now wave good-bye, leave your hands held high
Hear this song of courage ride into the night
05:19pm 24/10/2006
  I look like Jon Nödtveidt from Dissection right now. I don't actually know what I think about that.

Its a sweet halloween costume idea, I guess.
11:53am 13/04/2006
  So for semi-paranoid, yet perfectly plausable reasons, I'm making my journal friends only.

Click here to see what you've been missing
01:21am 11/04/2006
  For those of you who didn't know, I've been recruited as the 2nd guitarist of the Runs. I am beside myself with excitement.

11:10pm 09/04/2006
  I am here, publically declaring war on Croton Harmon High School.

From what Max Kristich has told me, shit is fucked.

But that's not the reason.

No one, I MEAN NO ONE, fucks with Scoot. I dont care if you're the vice principal. I dont care if you're the fucking superintendant. NO ONE FUCKS WITH SCOOT!

This means war, mate.
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06:57pm 08/04/2006
  Fun stuff I learned about my birthday:

The Archduke Franz Ferdinand and GG Allin both died on it.

Mel Brooks, Gilda Radner, John Elway and John Cusack were all born on my birthday.

Labor Day became a national holiday on my birthday.

The Treaty of Versaille was signed on my birthday.

The Stonewall Riots started on my birthday.

Mike Tyson bit off Evander Holyfield's ear on my birthday.

My birthday rocks!
03:23am 08/04/2006
  And for the record, I cant get out of here soon enough. I'm sick of feeling like an inconvenience. I'm sick of feeling like a shadow. I'm sick of feeling like a little kid.  
01:32am 08/04/2006
  So here's my thought.

I have a dimebag sitting on my printer right now. I am going to flush it down the toilet.

In the last 2 days, I have seen so many of my friends do some stupid shit regarding drugs, the thought of smoking it makes me fucking sick. The last thing I want is to tell these people that I think drugs are stupid as fuck when I have a dimebag sitting in my room. I'm not selling the shit cuz that'll just be worse.

I'm just gonna put it out there. Drugs are lame. Needing drugs to have a good time is fucking stupid. It doesnt make you creative. It doesnt make you cool. It makes you a fucking dumbass.

And yes, I still drink and I still smoke. I only drink beer because I can control myself with it and I only smoke cigarettes, which have no narcotic benefit and I'm stopping smoking this summer.
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